Me, myself and I.

I am an architect.  We all are.  I create the life I lead, sketching a layout with detailed precision.  I was only recently given this wisdom, by my mother.  There we sat, one afternoon going over the jibber jabber that is my life and I mentioned that if nothing else, I would welcome and embrace some ease in my life.  I just feel sometimes that my destiny and the life I have lead is an overgrown field.  Yes, the colors are rich and boisterous and filled with cartwheels, but none the less, incredibly overgrown.  Although I am responsible and grounded, I am not a grass is mowed kind of individual.  And because of this, the weeds grow high and can be extremely overwhelming and difficult to cut through. As I explained my "need for a lawnmower" theory, my mother sat, patiently, listening.  And then, the words spilled out onto the table and splish splashed their way into my waiting ear.  "Laura, you chose this path.  It is you.  If your path were a straight line you would be bored to tears.  Whether you realize it or not, you wouldn't have your life any other way."  Hmmmm.  Is it possible that my mother is right?  Is it possible that she might know me better than I know myself?  And as quickly as these questions popped in to my mind, they were answered.  Yes.  And mom, here it comes.....you are so right. It's amazing what helpful insight from people can do for you.  An overwhelming sense of relief comes over you, well it did for me anyway.  In that brief moment of introspection I finally finally finally...... forgave myself.  I have been in "Laura get your life together" purgatory for years.  Why is my path so jagged?  Why do I desire change so frequently?  Why am I never settled?  Why do my ideas race through my head like a fleet of wild horses?  Answer: Because it's just who you are.  I am who I am, and although I feel that self improvement is key and will never stop trying to better myself, I deserve to give my soul a break.  So, with that being said, it is with a full heart, that I now give myself a great big bear hug every morning, put my safari pants on and go explore through the weeds......smiling, thankful, and completely entertained.  Never a dull moment in my overgrown garden.  Thanks mom.